I’m a master eavesdropper. It’s an unfortunate skill. Chances are good that if you have drinks with me I will be listening to you but not only to you. It's likely I’ll also be learning all about girl A’s experience with girl B’s ex-boyfriend’s brother over the weekend. Apologies in advance. It’s involuntary. I hope you understand.
Last night as I stood in a crowd of voters waiting to sign in for their candidate’s caucus, just such a mini-drama unfolded behind me. The primary was wrapping up and we were all awaiting instructions from the voting officials on where to queue. As Girl A approached, I recognized her Marc Jacobs fragrance, a bit too heavily applied for my taste. With a casual half-turn, in my peripheral vision, I discovered she was a tall, well-dressed brunette. She received a brief and excited call from a friend in another precinct reporting a similarly robust turnout. She took her coat off. She texted someone. She shifted a bit and was then situated directly behind me.
After a few minutes of standing in silence, I gave up on any interesting developments from the Marcjacobsgirl and searched the crowd for a more adequate distraction. Just as I had settled on an artsy Anglo couple with fantastic noses and a Chinese daughter, Marcjacobsgirl half-giggled nervously and squeaked, “Oh, hi there!” What was this? Marcjacobsgirl has a friend and she’s suddenly anxious.
Almost as soon as the new arrival takes a spot next to her, a phone rings and, “Hi, this is Gabriel”. Sweet! It usually takes a while to learn a subject’s name. Do I smell jheri curl activator? Gabriel has a jheri curl?! No, just then, Jhericurlguy knocks into me squeezing past. Gabriel is trying to get off the phone. “Right…right…that’s it…yes, we’ll finish that up tomorrow…right…uh-huh…uh-huh….” I imagine him giving Marcjacobsgirl an apologetic “blah, blah, blah” hand gesture now. And then offering an exaggerated, silent, “I’m sorry.” “…right…okay, well…alright, I’m at the caucus and I don’t think I can be on my cell…okay…sure…okie-dokie…okay..bye-bye.”
“Jeez! I’m sorry! That guy…! How are you?” Very nervous. “I hoped I would see a friendly face.” Okay, this is a caucus, not a singles mixer, but anyhow…
“Yeah, me too. It’s great to see you! I don’t think I’ve seen you since-“
“Since Albertsons probably, a few weeks ago, probably?” The rise in Gabriel’s voice at the end of the sentence is not at all convincing this a question. Gabriel is eager.
“Right, Albertsons, that’s it!” So is Marcjacobsgirl.
They chat about his new job (boring) and her new dog (boring) and they talk about her travel plans and his recent trip to Ohio (boring and boring). “Hey, yeah, Ohio! They had a primary today, too. Funny!” Yawn. Where is that artsy couple? They both had incredible noses, like roman statues. I bet he’s a designer – he had graphic designer glasses and she had to be an artist with that big curly hair.
“Okay folks, we can officially begin this convention.” A very no-nonsense, masculine-looking woman in a Hillary for President tee shirt is standing on a chair in the middle of the room. Some stuff about who Takesherselftooseriously is and what tonight is about … “Those of you here for Obama, sign the books on this side (gestures to her right) and those here for Clinton, sign the books on this side (gestures left).”
Gabriel: “This is really exciting! It’s time!”
Marcjacobsgirl : “Yea!!”
I turn towards the left and anxious voters smashing in on all sides quickly surround me. I smell Marcjacobsgirl and feel the coat hanging over her arm pressing into my back.
“Oh, okay, I’ll… I guess… I’ll see you after..” she says right into my ear. She’s talking to Gabriel.
And then I see him. He’s walking away. To the other side. He’s nice looking, from behind anyway. Tall like her and wearing a tailored jacket. Just before he joins the other line, he looks over his shoulder at her with sad, sad eyes and I swear I can feel her slump against me.
Somehow in the chaos Marcjacobsgirl ends up signing before me. As we’re walking out of the room, Gabriel falls in step next to her, both of them in front of me. She’s icy and doesn’t make eye contact. He’s nervous all over again. I decide his taste is questionable as his shoes appear to be Sketchers. As they reach the door Jhericurlguy is between us and I can’t hear what they say but I can see it’s stilted. Gabriel’s body language is obvious. He’s holding his elbows in tight to his sides but half-flaps one hand in a ridiculous wave. She walks directly to her car without a backwards glance.
The artsy couple is arguing about the health benefits of soy products as they buckle their daughter into her seat in their Volvo. Of course they drive a Volvo.
